When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
3 2 1 whiskey
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
