My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
