so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
