Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm gonna have a badass scar
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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