my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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