This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
