it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
