I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
