So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
