Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
