I just threw up on my dentist
Just cropdusted the office
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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