I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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