Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
