I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
