best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
