10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
