I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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