Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
