Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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