you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
