and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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