I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
