see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
