Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
