Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
