I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i came on her dog
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
