I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
please don't ironically join a cult
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