When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
