2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
