I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I did not marry a roomba.
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