my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
