Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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