John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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