I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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