Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
