somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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