life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
