mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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