You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
