Don't make out with my wife yet
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
