He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
