If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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