you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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