Christians are straight up FREAKS
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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