i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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