I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
