She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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