whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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