she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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