I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
