i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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