He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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