He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
