saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
