12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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