just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
