saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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