Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
