I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
