normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
