I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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