so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
