i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
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I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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