Me. At least after what I've been through.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
