thus making me awesome and them whores
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
