She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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