I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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