Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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