Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
